Reflection on the eamba Exchange event with Chris Germer and Marta Alonso (June 6th, 2025)
with gratitude for this text to Dalida Turkovic, eamba Board member.

We gathered on Friday, June 6th 2025, to hold space for one another as we explored the theme of shame with the wise guidance of Chris Germer and Marta Alonso. The recording of the gathering is available on the eamba YouTube channel.

See announcement and links to teacher training in MSC in Europe and internationally HERE

When we first announced the event, we invited people with the words: Join this timely gathering… And I found myself wondering—what exactly makes this moment so timely?

Shame in Everyday Practice
An avalanche of insights followed. A recognition of how often shame creeps in, simply for being human. I notice how I try to sidestep it in my daily practice, which leans more toward movement than stillness. I don’t always have the energy to sit and hold strong emotions. And yes—there’s shame about that too.

Meeting Chris in Beijing
I first met Chris in Beijing during a five-day intensive training in Mindful Self-Compassion. In a room of 500 people, we moved together through the resistance to loving ourselves, gently opening to the idea that it’s okay to feel what we feel. That experience cracked something open in me. I set my intention then to share this practice and its quiet wisdom with others.

Vulnerability as the Heart of the Practice
Vulnerability is at the heart of this work. And as teachers, modeling that vulnerability is part of what we offer. Chris opened the session by sharing his own story—how his long-standing public speaking anxiety only began to shift when he heard Sharon Salzberg’s simple suggestion: “Try holding yourself with loving-kindness.” (NOTE 1) Even after years of practicing mindfulness and using many psychological tools, this was the piece that softened his struggle. Loving-kindness became his path, even though he resisted it for a long time.

The Science Behind the Practice
Can it be that allowing and simply being with whatever arises is the way toward liberation from suffering? It may sound very Buddhist—but through the research of Kristin Neff and others, we see that this isn’t about devotion. It’s about the way our nervous system responds, how our chemistry shifts when we stop fighting and begin to relate to our experience with compassion.

Holding Fierce and Tender Space
And yet—it’s not easy. We live in a world that rushes to produce, to improve, to reach outcomes quickly. Self-compassion invites us to pause. To hold ourselves with care and kindness. And, when needed, to embrace its fierce side—to say a clear No and protect ourselves from harm.

Turning Toward Shame
Last night, we turned toward shame. And that’s not easy either. Shame likes to hide. It isolates. It wraps itself in the belief that there is something fundamentally wrong with who we are. After Marta guided us through a meditation on bringing compassion to shame, we worked in small groups to explore how it shows up in our lives.

The Shame Spiral
One person said they didn’t even know how to catch it—and then felt shame for not catching it. For me, it often comes after anger. As if deep down, I believe I don’t have the right to be angry—and that belief pulls me down into the spiral.

Mindfulness: The Light in the Quicksand
But instead of struggling, as we might in quicksand—sinking deeper the more we resist—we’re invited to stay. To recognize it. To name it.
Ah, here you are. This is shame. This is how it feels.

And then to offer it the light of practice:

• Mindfulness: Naming the experience without judgment.
• Common Humanity: Remembering I am not alone—many people would feel this way in the same situation.
• Loving-Kindness: Placing a hand on the heart, offering soothing words to soften the tension that struggle creates.

The Three Paradoxes of Shame
Chris shared three paradoxes of shame that we face when bearing witness to it:

• Shame feels blameworthy, but it is innocent.
• Shame feels isolating, but it is universal.
• Shame feels permanent and all-encompassing, but it is transitory—and only a part of who we are.

Shame in the Teaching Space
One of the questions we explored as a group was how shame shows up in teaching. For both students and teachers, it often emerges around how much we practice. As Marta noted, in MSC we begin with the assumption that participants might not practice regularly. And we meet that with compassion—introducing informal practices first, allowing the rhythm to build slowly.

Beginning with Compassion
After all, practice takes time. And what better way to begin than gently—meeting the resistance, the shame, the wish to already be perfect or awakened—with compassion and patience.

NOTE 1
Correction: The first version of this text read ‘Try holding the anxiety with loving-kindness.‘  Yet, after sharing with Chris he made a comment: “The message from Sharon was more about loving “myself” than the “anxiety” in loving-kindness.  That’s especially interesting for mindfulness people – shifting focus to oneself.”